A Single Letter
by mandaree1
Summary: (Transgender AU) Twilight Sparkle has finally managed to come out to his friends and Ponyville and, with their help, has everything needed to get the surgeries for his transition. Now all he needs is the approval of his mentor, who, due to his fear of rejection, Twilight has decided to inform through letter.


**Disclaimer: I don't own My Little Pony; Friendship Is Magic**

**Title: A Single Letter**

**Summary: (Transgender AU) Twilight Sparkle has finally managed to come out to his friends and Ponyville and, with their help, has everything needed to get the surgeries for his transition. Now all he needs is the approval of his mentor, who, due to his fear of rejection, Twilight has decided to inform through letter.**

**Warnings: Transgender MtS (Mare to Stallion) or FtM (Female to Male) Twilight. **

**Author's Note: And, no, transgender Twilight has literally no support from the canon series. =) That's why this is an AU.**

**_..._**

_Dear Princess Celestia,_

_While I was prompted by my peers to go to Canterlot personally for this, I thought it would be easier for me to get my point across in writing rather than conversation. Sorry, I'm a bit of a __coward about things like this, as I'm sure you realize._

_I guess I should start off by saying that I have everything planned out and ready. It wasn't easy, I must admit, and it took months to get everything around (and yes, I have been keeping it a secret for that long. I'd beg for your forgiveness if I wasn't already guilty), but I managed to do it with the help of my friends as well as my time-learned organization tactics._

_The plan is rather simple by nature. I am to travel to Canterlot and be consulted by a group of doctors about the surgery involved (normally I would do this on my own with my magic, but I have yet to advance far enough in my studies to perform even the most temporary of gender swap spells, and surgery is simply the safest other option) I plan on staying in Canterlot during my transition (but not with you or my parents- I am far to skittish to let any of you see me during my transition) and return to Ponyville afterwards. Spike is to stay at Rarity's (It was his idea, I may add. I asked him if he wanted to accompany me, but he said that he didn't want to spend the next unknown amount of time sitting alone in a hotel room or in hospital waiting rooms. I personally don't blame him). I plan on sending the regular amount of letters to keep in touch with everyone (by mailmare, an odd change of routine, in my opinion), although they may come later in the evening or early morning the next day if I'm busy._

_While in Cantorlot, I also plan on exploring myself. I am planning on trying different fashions- from vests to full-on suits- as well as a shorter manestyle. I doubt the manestyle will work out- I am very partial to my longer mane- but it wouldn't hurt to give it a try. I can always grow part of it out with a growth spell (but not all of it- It wouldn't do to burn my mane by accident and be forced to cut it once again) and wait. Manes can and will grow on their own terms._

_Perhaps I'm getting ahead of myself. As I'm sure you've probably gleamed from my earlier ramblings, I am hoping to finally take the plunge and transition into a stallion. To be honest with you, Princess, I've wanted to do this for a long time now, but I've had two reasons to refrain from doing so._

_One; I didn't want ponies to think I had fallen prey to the common belief of some planets (although which ones, I can't recall off the top of my head. Note to self; re-freshen mind of the planetary customs of different worlds) that stallions trump mares in all fields. I don't really understand it myself; I've spent all of my life as a mare, and I can say from personal experience that mares are rather kickflank. (excuse the rather pathetic attempt to block my slip of the tongue, I am in no mood to come up with anything more original.)_

_I didn't want the scientists of Equestria to shake their heads and tsk. 'Twilight Sparkle is only doing this to further herself in her field.' I can imagine them murmuring to each other. 'How... unexpected.' They'll still do that, I expect, but I've decided not to care. And now I'll have plenty of time to reach that goal._

_And number two; Spike. I've been his family from the day I hatched him. Mother, sister, teacher, friend, he's always considered me as such. I didn't want to shatter his image of me and hurt him all at once._

_When I came out to him (he was the second to find out), Spike yelled at me. Not because I wanted to change my body, but because I **hadn't** changed. He knew that nothing could change my personality, but he also knew that I am never happy with anything less than the best I could do, and he knew that I wouldn't be fully happy until I did this. At least, that was his opinion. Spike is now looking foreword to having some 'brother-brother' time when (if) I get back._

_My coming out went as expected. Some of my friends were hurt and confused (Rarity). A friend or two were uncertain (Fluttershy and, surprisingly, Applejack), and a few were all for it (Pinkie Pie). Rainbow Dash was fascinated by the effects transition may or may not have on my flight abilities. I may have actually prompted her to make her first real, scientific, hypothesis. How exciting!_

_I'm sure you're interested in the 'why now' factor to all of this. The reason isn't a raise in my courage or a stronger will or anything like that. (I honestly doubt I could get anymore stubborn). It's actually a small white filly by the name of Sweetie Belle._

_As I've mentioned in prior letters, I have been teaching a trio of fillies in different aspects of many different subjects to assist them in finding their cutie marks. I enjoyed the company, as well as the fun but fulfilling challenge of being a teacher, and welcomed the trio into my library with open hooves._

_Sweetie Belle took to my invitation more than the others. She found the library a home away from home, I think, with Rarity and I both being rather organized with workaholic tendencies, not to mention our sensitive nerves. (I doubt you'll find this very interesting, Princess, but Spike is now rolling across the floor in laughter downstairs. I think he overheard my writing. Another note to myself; find out what is so humorous about my sensitive nerves.)_

_..._

_(Spike is now muttering apologies and slipping out the door to visit Pinkie Pie. I can only hope he won't tell her about my 'grumpy' behavior. It wouldn't bode well for the quiet I need to write my letter.)_

_Anyway, she found me familiar, but also different. I wasn't Rarity, her bossy older sister. I was Twilight Sparkle, Princess of friendship and bossy librarian. I didn't mind her parading around the library, even if she can be rather clunky._

_Sweetie Belle is a firm believer of being true to oneself no matter what. She flounders and falls sometimes, but she also does her best to make up for her mistakes. She has my respect for that._

_Sweetie Belle, as it also happens, has an insane amount of curiosity and a nosiness to match. She noticed something was slightly off about me and became determined to find out what._

_Long story short, she managed to find and read some of my old notes, and started to urge me to come to terms with myself and tell everyone, and it was her encouragement as well as Spikes that brought me to write this letter, the one I've been dreading for years._

_Princess, we both know that my coming out isn't the reason __for this letter. All of Ponyville knows that I'm a stallion, it wouldn't surprise me if gossip has already floated up to your ears by now. This is more or less a formality._

_Princess, while my rank is much closer to yours than it was when I was just your apprentice, your opinion still means a lot to me. More than it probably should by now; we're rather close to equals now, aren't we? Either way, I have written this letter to ask you for permission to transition._

_If you agree, things will go through as planned. If you don't, or find my sudden thrust of decision on you to be something you find to be an example that I am not ready, I will have to rethink my plans and motives._

_I know I'm sounding rather pushy, but I've been feeling like this for so long, writing this letter feels like an act of desperation. A way to escape from responsibility I know is my own._

_Please, Princess, when you get the time, would you mind giving me your opinion?_

_Your Student,_

_Princess (Prince, if all goes well) Twilight Sparkle._

_P.S; on the subject of names, I've had a few ponies affectionately refer to me as 'Dusk'. I do not perfer or despise the name, but am merely including it here in hopes of perking your interest._

"Spike, it's ready."

The baby dragon, back from Sugarcube Corner with frosting coated around his lips, hesitantly grabbed the scroll out of his magical grip. "Already?"

He nodded hesitantly, mouth curved into a worrisome frown. "It's a little jumbled, but it's as good as it can get."

"Okay." He lifted it up in his claw, green eyes worriedly glancing up at him. "Twi... are you sure?"

He shook his head. "No, I'm not. But... it's time."

They watched as the scroll disappeared into smoke. Twilight sighed and headed towards the stairs. "Now, if you'll excuse me, I'm going to go have a panic attack."

**Author's Note: This was the first time I've written in first person in over a year, so... yeah. =)**

**No flames! Don't like don't read! Review!**


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